Dayenu Reconsidered

The problem with praying in English instead of Hebrew is that the words have meaning beyond the sound of them–their rhythm in the cant.  Praying in a language one does not speak is a different thing all together.

And so I look back on my most recent post, the one in which I say that the song Dayenu is my favorite prayer, and am a little horrified.  To me, this is a prayer sung around the seder table… “Ilu hotsi, hostionu, hotsionu mi Mitzrayim, Hotsionu mi Mitzrayim Da-ye-nu…”  It’s the sound of the voices of my family, young and old, frum and gone over to the other side, all together on this one night of the year.  It is the sound of thanks and of saying, “No matter what happens to us from here on out, we have been blessed and we will not complain.”  Although, of course, we will.  Still, it’s a nice thought.

But in writing it all out in English, I am stunned by the actual words of the song.  It’s not that I didn’t know them–I did.  It’s that, sung in Hebrew, I hadn’t thought of their meaning in decades.  Not since I was a little girl in Sunday school, just learning to ask the four questions.  “Why is it that on all other nights, we eat herbs of every kind, but tonight we eat only bitter herbs?”  I am forced to look beyond the meaning of “it would have been enough” to what, in fact, I am saying would have sufficed to make G-d worthy of my worship.

And there, I am forced to ask myself:  is it really enough for me that G-d killed the first born sons of the Egyptians?  Does that make Him fit for worship?  Or is it not enough, not by a long shot?  Don’t I have the right to say, “If You want me to worship You, how about not killing any more infants in my name?  In fact, You could lay off the smiting all together, thank you very much.  Tell the Angel of Death to pass over every door, not just the ones with a smear of lamb’s blood.  Tell him not to come until he’s called by the old, the weary, the ready to die.”  Do I really want to take a drop from my own cup of wine in thankfulness that G-d slew babies to secure my freedom from Egypt, or would I rather be a slave unstained by the blood of all those sons of other mothers?

I will thank G-d for parting the sea, and for allowing me to cross on dry land.  Dayenu.  But must I really thank him also for drowning my oppressors?  Can I not instead wish he had simply gentled them back to their own land, changed by having seen a miracle performed and been shown a kindness?  Must vengeance and murder really be enough for me?  Can I have no hope of peace?

Dayenu is no longer my favorite prayer.  My favorite prayer is the silent one I say among my Mennonite brethren as we light the Peace candle and hold in the light all those in our world afflicted by violence.  Or maybe it is the gentle, steadfast prayer of the Dalai Lama as he turns away, again and again, from a violent struggle for the freedom of his people.   Or maybe it is the prayer you will say for me tonight, afraid for my soul because I have blasphemed.  But it is not a prayer thanking G-d for the deaths of infants or the drowning of enemies.  Not any more.

Dayenu — It Would Have Been Enough

Dayenu, a song sung at Passover, is my favorite prayer.  There is something tribal about the rituals of the holiday… lifting the matzah to our mouths, opening the door for Elijah, eating the bitter herb… and knowing that around the world other Jews are doing the same.  Something that harkens back to thousands of unknowable generations.  A thankfulness that transcends all the later times of desperation.  We don’t ask at Passover why we were not delivered from the death camps in World War II.  We simply remember that we were delivered out of Egypt, out of the house of bondage, and are thankful.  Dayenu.  It is enough.

Leaving slavery:

If He had brought us out of Egypt. – Dayenu!
If He had executed justice upon the Egyptians. – Dayenu!
If He had executed justice upon their gods. – Dayenu!
If He had slain their first born. – Dayenu!
If He had given to us their wealth. – Dayenu!

The Miracles:

If He had split the sea for us. – Dayenu!
If He had led us through on dry land. -Dayenu!
If He had drowned our oppressors. – Dayenu!
If He had provided for our needs in the wilderness for 40 years. – Dayenu!
If He had fed us manna. – Dayenu!

 

The Gifts of Being With God

If He had given us Shabbat. – Dayenu!
If He had led us to Mount Sinai. – Dayenu!
If He had given us the Torah. – Dayenu!
If He had brought us into the Land of Israel. – Dayenu!
He built the Temple for us. – Dayenu!

Here is where I get lost as a new Christian.  When Jews pray, we pray in thankfulness for what has already been given.  But when Christians pray, they seem often to be beseeching.   Asking for more.  I can not get used to this. 

“Who is like You among the gods, O LORD? Who is like You, majestic in holiness, awesome in praises, working wonders?” – Exodus 15:11  In this season of Passover, let us remember and be thankful.